The Zexion Files
by yummycarobean
Summary: Take a look at Zexion's personal journal. May contain implied sex. Language. and yaoi. Zemyx implied. Akuroku implied. many pairings implied.
1. Chapter 1

Sunday, October Third. Afternoon.

Hello, I am Zexion. I am a Nobody. No heart. No feelings.

I am now going to keep track of my non-existent life in this book.

Even though we do not have feelings, we have wants, desires, and cravings. You see, there are twelve males in our organization. Number twelve, Larxene, is the only female on our team (except number fourteen. She isn't counted much, though.) and she only pays attention to Marluxia and herself. And yes, nobodies when in human form enjoy...you know what...as much as somebodies do. I feel I am the only civilized one in this castle other than number five, Lexaeus. I now have to bid this diary farewell, I have a meeting in ten minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunday, October Third. Evening.

Like I have stated already, we "want" things. At the meeting I recall number eight send quite strange looks to number thirteen. Number thirteen, however, is quite a good listener and seemed to pay attention to the Superior. Number eleven and number twelve were obviously making eye contact along with number two and number ten making strange faces at one another. I have noticed lately that certain scents have been misplaced in the castle. I shall look into it later.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday, October Fourth. Morning.

I had the most dreadful night last night. So much noise coming from upstairs. And I don't believe it was heartless. I must get down to breakfast, now.


	4. Chapter 4

Monday, October Fourth. Evening.

It was quite a usual day. We eat breakfast; Larxene, Axel, and Xigbar were a bit late as always. Larxene, being a woman probably had personal matters to attend to, but the others I'm sure were quite careless. I then was sent to do more research in the library which resides in the basement. I stayed in there for just about all of the "day". For it's always night here, but we use times to perform our duties in an orderly manner. I was in the middle of finding a book about machines for the heart when i was confronted by number nine. If you didn't know Demyx you would think that he was quite the lost puppy. But, I for one know that it is simply a cute little facade that hides an intelligent young nobody.- did I just write "cute".


	5. Chapter 5

Tuesday, October Fifth. Afternoon.

My mind is a blunder at this moment and I cannot figure out why. And why did I stop in the middle of that entry? As I was saying: Demyx confronted me wonder what I was doing, how I was, and all that. I replied and we chatted about machines and something about the moon was so bright. I cannot recall the conversation so well, I was quite preoccupied studying my books while he talked. Until I looked up and became distracted one again, this time by his eyes. They seem so lively and...like they have a heart. I was probably staring for a good five minutes when number nine snapped me awake. I was quite embarrassed by my behaviour and went back to my studies right away. Today has been quite the same minus Demyx.


	6. Chapter 6

Wednesday, October Sixth. Evening.

I do apologize for not updating as frequently; however, I have been quite busy and there hasn't been much to say other than: I am so frustrated with myself. I can't seem to focus as well as usual. I've been thinking about the _other Organization members_ and I always told myself to ignore all of them except the Superior.


	7. Chapter 7

Thursday, October Seventh. Morning

Breakfast was a scene as always. Larxene and Marluxia ate less than half of their breakfast, Xigbar argued with Marluxia over the matters of personal hygene, and the rest of us (excluding Axel) we're watching the whole thing in silence. Axel, however, showed no intrest and preffered to set fire to his toast. He seemed a lot "happier" than usual. And sadly I know why:  
Last night I awoke to noises outside my room. I step outside to find the Flurry of Dancing Flames himself pinning a certain keyblade weilder to the wall next to my door. Number eight looked at me abruptly after de-gluing his face from the younger's and we had a stare down for half a second before I shut my door and sat in my bathroom for half an hour.  
My investigation has made progress on it's own.


	8. Chapter 8

Friday, October Eighth. Afternoon

This morning Demyx confronted me with another conversation. it was about how hair-gel works. I don't know how he comes up with these conversations but I more or less enjoy them. Why do I enjoy them? They're so stupid but maybe it's Demyx that makes them seem so important. Oh, I don't know. but lately I've felt a strange sensation in my chest. It's so foreign.  
In other news, Axel and I have been doing missions and work toghether. By choice? No. But he is quite an interesting person, I have come to realize. He speaks of the Organization if it was under someone else's rule. Like his, Larxene, Roxas, and others. He says I would be a great leader if I spoke up once in a while.


	9. Chapter 9

Friday, October Eighth. Late evening

Here I am in the library waiting for Axel to get back. We are doing research and assessment on "Riku" and "Riku Replica" and all their relations. He says the Replica is somewhat on our side. It might be true. I met Riku once. It was a while back on a mission to fight him. He seemed mad. I created illusions and fooled him well, but I can't help but get a strange sensation in my chest again when I think about his face when I fought him


	10. Chapter 10

Saturday, October Ninth. Morning

Unlike the others, I get up early on weekends. And yes, we have weekend breaks like everyone else. On weekends we go out into the worlds and are much like regular people, fix our own meals, and stay out until morning if we please. We don't fancy wearing robes on these days and it's very interesting seeing comrade's attire. Here is a list of what I've seen them wearing:  
Superior simply wears a collared shirt and dresses quite nicely, frankly.  
Xigbar wears muscle shirts.  
Xaldin still wears black on the weekends.  
Vexen seems to never take off his cloak.  
Lexaeus dresses nicely also.  
I stick with jeans and a t-shirt.  
Saix wears sometihng coordinationg with Superior's.  
Axel wears leather pants occasionaly  
Demyx has cute aquamarine skinny jeans-  
Luxord wears sandals frequently  
Marluxia is the only man I've seen to wear white pants  
Larxene has a naval piercing  
Roxas likes checker patterns  
Xion wears skirts.

MEMO: stop saying "cute"


	11. Chapter 11

Saturday, October Ninth. Evening

It was quite an eventful day. But it is a weekend after all. Axel wasn't wearing leather pants, but he had olne too many holes in his jeans and a shirt that didn't cover his mid-section. Strange, what these guys do to feel "cool". Demyx was looking----erm----nice in his attire and decided to wear a blue collared shirt which I thought was----appropriate looking on him. Why do I over analyze things such as this? I was in the "Entertainment" area which acts as a hangout in the castle (a few doors down from the library), watching an interesting documentary on the ocean, when a smelled someone approaching. None other than Demyx. He sat next ot me and asked me the usual "How are ya'" "Whacha doooin'?" and "OOOOh is it interesting? Can I watch, too?" and I replied politely as always and we sat in silence enjoying the documentary. About mid-way through (the section about migration of whales), I feel something touching my shoulder, the one opposite of Demyx. He had reached over and had his arms spread on both sides of the couch. So I think "Alright, he's just stretching." and I go back to watching. And...I don't know how it happened, but my head had managed to make it's way (without my knowing) to Demyx's shoulder. HOW COULD MY HEAD DO THAT WITHOUT MY ACKNOWLEDGEMENT?! Then, I realized what I was doing and jerked off him. He looked at me with such innocent curiosity. I looked back and simply said, "Sorry." and proceeded to watch the fish. He later suggested that it was alright for me to rest upon his shoulder and that friends do it "all the time.".

Axel and Roxas do it; I don't believe they're "friends", they're "lovers" (even though we nobodies cannot love.) so I tell him that it's no problem and say i'm tired and go back to my room. I really need to find out what's happening.


	12. Chapter 12

Sunday, October Tenth. Afternoon.

It was a regular, slow, Sunday morning. Until number nine approached me in the middle of the hall. I didn't want to speak to him at the moment since the movie last night was quite the awkward experience. But none the less I calmly said my greetings as always. His conversation was quite the same until he abruptly stopped and said something along the lines of "Will you eat lunch with me?". I stood there looking like a total idiot until I stuttered in my reply which was "yes". Why am I such an idiot around HIM of all people.

Lunch went fine. We ate fried food...I totaly regret it but I'm sure Demyx enjoyed himself. You see, on our free time we go out into the city and act like normal people. Demyx sure does eat a lot...I've never realized this at regular meals. He kept asking me if I was feeling okay. I would reply with "I'm fine." or "yeah.". Now, I have to go to a meeting.


	13. Chapter 13

Tuesday, October Twelth. Evening.

I apologize for not writing yesterday. Even though there is no one to apologize to because I plan in keeping this book a secret. But, I had to research and plan with Axel. I would hate to say it, but many of us are conspiring against the organization. Few have remained loyal. Demyx is loyal. I've come to realize with talking to Axel and Demyx that we are like normal people; with hearts, feelings, emotions, and all that comes with them. Axel is quite a character, he tells amusing stories while we work and says that in the afterlife he would like to see me again. I think I may actually have friends. Demyx, although he is loyal, does not believe that we don't have hearts. He thinks it is all in our heads and that we should cheer up. He says some people make him feel like he has a heart. He also says that music is one of the many keys to a heart. He played his sitar last night. Not as his weapon but as his instrument. I got to sit in the lounge and listen along with a few others. I had no idea he could play like that. Today was a normal day, though. No disturbances. No Demyx.


	14. Chapter 14

Wednesday, October Thirteenth. Afternoon.

I've had some weird days but I don't understand why Demyx want's to hang around ME of all people. He came into the library where Axel and I were and seemed quite distraught that we were toghether. Demyx asked how Roxas was and Axel said that he had gone somewhere. I don't remember half the conversation because I was staring at Demyx's damn eyes. I don't know what has gotten into me but Demyx makes me feel a lot happier in this gloomy castle. Happy. An emotion. Maybe I just need sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Thursday, October Fourteenth. Early Morning.

I just had a very odd dream. I'm not going to say much but I woke up and realized I was on the floor in position I wouldn't normally be in. I'm going to try to forget this. I hope.


	16. Chapter 16

Friday, October Fifteenth. Afternoon.

I cant' believe I keep doign this. Why can't I just say "Sorry, no." to number nine? I'm going to watch a movie tonight with him. I mean, I do want to go watch a movie with him. We are going to be watching _The Boy in the Striped Pajamas_ and I will tell you it isn't a happy movie. I have already seen it. But, I've only watched it alone. Why? Because it makes me upset to see concentration camps. And yes, I get upset. I hope I can remain calm while I'm with Demyx.


	17. Chapter 17

Saturday, October Sixteenth. Early morning.

Early morning, what an understatement. It's two in the morning. Why am I up? Because I had to write. Write about how I cannot sleep because I HATE myself. I'm losing it! I FEEL hate towards myself and I feel GUILT because I passed up a chance I don't think I will EVER get back. I had tried to keep my tears silent as the Nazis unknowingly gased their commander's son when Demyx brought his hand over and brushed my cheek. I'm glad it was dark in the entertainment room because my skin was fave shades redder than a tomato. My brain could not catch up to what was going on but I do recall his lips on mine a minute after. Oh my kingdom hearts, he tasted like honey and salt water. What was I thinking when I pulled away and ran like it was a BAD THING? I know what's wrong with me: I love Demyx. That's it. I can't take all this anymore. I've fooled myself with my facade of being serious and emotionless when really it's all FAKE. I can't take it anymore.


End file.
